


Instinct

by janne_d



Series: Instinct and Memory [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: First Time, M/M, Plot What Plot, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-23
Updated: 2005-10-23
Packaged: 2017-10-05 15:03:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janne_d/pseuds/janne_d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronon hated it, hated the wariness that Sheppard couldn't hide from him, hated that he couldn't remember what he'd done to cause it and that he couldn't make amends and ease it until Sheppard told him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Instinct

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to torakowalski for the beta.

Ronon didn't like waking up in the infirmary in Atlantis. Most of the City of the Ancestors smelled of ocean and metal and the people who lived there and it was oddly familiar after seven years in the wilderness. But the infirmary was colder, less salt and wind and more bitter with the scents of medicines and stress and it made him tense before he even opened his eyes.

Beckett and Sheppard were at his bed. The doctor was clean and sharp, with a hint of the brown drink he called tea so it must be morning, though Sheppard was tired and messy like the end of a long day. Beckett was checking the monitors and looking concerned but not too much, so Ronon thought that whatever happened to land him here was not that serious.

Sheppard made him less certain of that. He was leaning casually and looking as relaxed as Beckett but Ronon was starting to know him well and he could see the carefully blank eyes and read that Sheppard was just as tense as he was.

"What happened?" he asked. He meant it for them both, but it was Beckett that spoke.

"What do you remember?" and he watched Sheppard's eyes look from the bed to Beckett to the monitors, anywhere but at Ronon, and wished that he could fill in the blanks he'd just discovered because he didn't understand.

"Nothing after the cave and radioing McKay," he admitted and would be amused at the switch from fake to real relaxation if he wasn't so worried, because Sheppard was probably the only person on Atlantis who had never been wary of him and he liked that trust.

"Well, it seems that you managed to get a face full of alien spores in the back of that nice wee cave, but it looks like they've finally worked out of your system."

"What did they do to me?" because he really needed to know and Sheppard still wasn't meeting his eyes.

"Apparently not much," Beckett replied cheerfully, "As far as I can tell, they just knocked you out."

"That's all?"

"You fell asleep and I couldn't wake you up," Sheppard said. He was finally facing Ronon and it wasn't a lie, he could tell when Sheppard was lying now. Beckett talked about some more tests just to be cautious before he'd let Ronon out and Sheppard nodded, gave Ronon a shrug and a smile and left. He looked and sounded like normal, but.

There was something still not right, Ronon could feel it.

Sheppard hadn't been lying but he hadn't told the truth either.

He needed his memories back.

**

While Beckett did what he thought he needed to, Ronon went over all he could remember of the mission. It had been fairly straightforward for once. They had gained the trust and goodwill of the planet's inhabitants when Sheppard underwent a two day fast and vigil as part of one of their rituals and the trading had been concluded after that remarkably quickly and successfully. The team had started back towards their landing site in the late afternoon of the third day. Ronon and Teyla had both advised that Sheppard take more time to rest but he and McKay got anxious about being away from Atlantis for so long. (Sheppard always insisted that it was only McKay who was so paranoid and emotionally attached to the city that he couldn't function away from it for more than two days, but that was one of the times when he was lying).

A short hike later, Sheppard had been forced to admit that he was too shaky with tiredness to walk all the distance back and Ronon had stayed with him while Teyla took McKay to get the jumper and fly it back to their position. They'd been on the other side of a rocky ridge from the settlement and far enough away for it to be little risk and Sheppard had looked alarmingly white.

They had been on their own barely half an hour, Ronon standing watch as Sheppard dozed, when a storm blew up seemingly from nowhere. The short rest had apparently only served to make Sheppard more aware of his exhaustion and Ronon had practically dragged him through the downpour and into a fissure in the rocks that had turned out to be a genuine cave. They had contacted McKay by radio and told him and Teyla to pick them up in the morning because Sheppard didn't want McKay trying to fly in the storm winds.

Ronon had gone to explore the limits of the cave while Sheppard had been shrugging out of his damp outer clothing. That was the last thing he could remember until smelling the antiseptic as he woke up.

**

After Beckett had stuck him full of little holes and sent him off with a light pat on the back, Ronon headed for the mess hall. He was hungry, and if he was lucky, he'd find McKay there and see if the scientist knew anything. He already knew there was no point in asking Sheppard; the man was far too good at not answering questions.

Luck was with him. The food had been freshly prepared, there was an interestingly wobbly pudding that smelled very tasty and Teyla and McKay were eating together in a corner of the almost empty room. He joined them, noting without surprise that McKay also had a large bowl of the wobbly dessert and that he was eating it before the savoury dishes.

"Ronon, how do you feel?" Teyla asked, genuine concern clear in her voice and eyes. Unlike Sheppard, she and McKay were well-rested and cheerful. He gave her a "fine" in return and physically at least it was true.

McKay rolled his eyes as he swallowed more dessert. "Of course he's fine, all he's done for the last day and a half is sleep. Oh, and congratulations on finding what is apparently the galaxy's finest soporific, by the way, and making us have to carry your great, heavy, _snoring_ carcase half-way down a mountain. My shoulders still hurt and flying the jumper back didn't help, I think the pilot's seat is actually an Ancient torture device in disguise –"

Ronon cut him off, knowing how long McKay could complain if he was allowed. "Sheppard wasn't up to flying you back?" That was worrying, he should have been capable after a night's sleep.

"He said he was still so tired he was seeing two jumpers," Teyla says. "He did look exhausted. He did not say so, but I believe that he stayed awake to make sure you were okay after you collapsed."

"I collapsed?"

"Apparently you wandered off to explore, came back out looking weird and before Sheppard could ask why you turned into Sleeping Beauty, only minus the floaty dresses and large spiky hedges. And the beauty. But apart from that and the lack of kissing princes, the parallel is a good one because you were still out for the count when we arrived in the stupidly early hours of the morning, and you didn't even wake up when the Colonel fired off a P90 two feet behind your head. I still don't think a sleeping-Ronon is fascinating enough to justify Teyla waking me up at the crack of dawn though." McKay seemed to think that this was an explanation, but all Ronon had managed to understand was that he had indeed been very deeply asleep when the rest of the team had arrived.

"We did not know then he was simply sleeping, Rodney. And Colonel Sheppard did ask us to get there as soon as it was safe to do so."

That was reassuring. He thought, though it would depend on why Sheppard had wanted them there. It did not seem that they knew anymore about what was bothering Sheppard than Ronon did, less even since he had not picked up anything to suggest they had noticed. Or perhaps Sheppard had only been bothered when Ronon had woken up. Either way, he would learn nothing more and he shifted his attention away from McKay's rapid voice and onto his food.

It seemed any more clues would have to come from Sheppard.

**

The next two days were interesting in a way but strangely empty. They had no missions scheduled so Ronon spent his time terrorising the soldiers they called Marines (Sheppard called it training but Ronon had seen him grin when the little soldiers would go white at a growl and a glare. Sheppard had a nasty sense of humour), training with Teyla when he wanted a proper workout and searching his memories for any lessening of the empty spot.

Sheppard never once came to watch him fight in those two days. He never looked up from dropping an opponent to see him propped against a wall like his spine was made of rubber, smirking proudly at Ronon's skill.

He wasn't in the mess hall either, at least not when Ronon was. He hadn't been wrong in the infirmary; Sheppard was avoiding him and he needed to find out why. He didn't want to lose his place here because he had done something to cross Sheppard's lines under the influence of a cave plant.

He had missed having a team to rely on and protect. Teyla was a strong warrior and honourable and he felt privileged to be her comrade and have her respect. McKay had taken some time to get used to but he found he liked listening to him talk, even when it was nearly incomprehensible, and he liked that someone else appreciated how important food was to survival. And Sheppard was… Sheppard. Lazy and easy on the surface, and steel underneath. Important. Worth following and not to be given up.

He had been a hunter, as well as a runner, in the last seven years. Time he used his skill and tracked down his absent leader and some answers.

**

He started off slowly.

He wandered by Sheppard's office when he knew he was doing paperwork and made sure he was seen. He lurked in the corridors between Sheppard's room and the main areas of Atlantis and then walked in the opposite direction so he could get a nod or word of acknowledgement. At least once a day he followed him into the mess and ate with him, sometimes silently and sometimes making a comment about the training or weapons or Wraith tactics so that Sheppard had to respond.

He watched carefully all the time for Sheppard's reactions. He acted nearly the same as before, but Ronon could see the tension that sprang up when he approached and he could read signs of nervousness that others might miss – the eyes that had never flickered away from his before, the way Sheppard licked his lips or rubbed a hand across the back of his neck as they spoke, the little shifts of tense muscles away if he got too close. He only really relaxed if there were others with them so Ronon started making sure that they weren't ever alone.

Ronon hated it, hated the wariness that Sheppard couldn't hide from him, hated that he couldn't remember what he'd done to cause it and that he couldn't make amends and ease it until Sheppard told him.

He knew that his behaviour was probably not particularly reassuring but Ronon didn't know what else to do to find his answers. He would have to confront him eventually to resolve the situation, but he had never liked going into things blind. He was being as unthreatening as he could and he liked talking to Sheppard, being around him. He just wished that Sheppard did not feel uncomfortable when he was.

**

The first night after he had started his campaign, Ronon had dreamed. He had often dreamt of running, of killing Wraith, of returning to his home. But this dream was different. It was vague and blurry, all feelings and nothing solid. He started off cold and then he was warm and comfortable again. Content.

The second night he had gone to bed after spending most of an evening with Sheppard and McKay, listening to them argue in that way that was never really an argument. He had dreamed the same dream but it was clearer; the chilled, uncomfortable feeling to start with that turned into warm, familiar, _good_ and he woke up smiling.

The third night, he had been pretending to stretch in the exercise room while actually watching Teyla spar with Sheppard, breathing in the scent of their exertion and admiring the way they moved. When he fell into bed, he dreamed again and this time it actually made sense. He was somewhere draughty and cold. He was edgy and there was someone there with him and he pounced, pinning them to the ground before they could hurt him. But that close he was breathing in their smell and he knew them. They weren't a stranger or a threat, they were his. They were his _mate_.

His mate moved under him and he shifted closer, trying to find heat and skin, but something was wrong. His mate smelled afraid and the noises he could hear sounded unhappy and the moving that felt so good was moving _away_. That should never happen, his mate should never be afraid. He had to fix it. He wrapped their bodies as tightly together as he could, stroked gently everywhere he could reach and nuzzled soothing noises into sweaty skin. And he waited.

Gradually, his mate relaxed in his arms and grew quiet and he turned them front to back so they were even more closely fitted and enjoyed the warmth and contentment as his mate eased into sleep.

When Ronon woke up, he knew that was his answer. He recognised the scent in his dream, it had surrounded him that very night as he took the transporter with Sheppard. His mate in the dream was Sheppard. He should have realised before. He had been attracted from the first and the spores must have altered his behaviour enough to act on it before knocking him out.

He had no doubts that it was a memory and not just a dream because now he could remember the rest.

He remembered easing his hands under Sheppard's clothing as he slept, sliding one up and across warm skin and the other down the line of soft hair and between Sheppard's legs, cupping and caressing softly until he began to harden in his hand. He remembered tugging clothes out of his way and slipping his own erection between Sheppard's thighs and stifling a groan at the feeling. He'd touched and moved slowly, so slowly, and coaxed Sheppard to full arousal so that he rocked into Ronon's motions and sighed in his sleep.

He remembered that when Sheppard had woken, it was with Ronon biting gently at the nape of his neck and Sheppard had jerked still and gasped his name before Ronon's thumb had rubbed across the slippery head of his cock and he'd arched back into him with a groan, his head falling back and hips lifting. Ronon had kept touching, stroking harder and faster, mouthing all around his neck and thrusting in the same rhythm and Sheppard had shuddered and writhed and come with a harsh moan. He remembered growling when he felt that and rubbing himself fiercely against slick skin until he came too. Afterwards, he'd held Sheppard so tight he couldn't move as he smoothed their combined liquid into his belly and groin so that he smelled of them both, smelled like his and Sheppard had just gasped again and spread his legs wider to let him.

Ronon's hand had been busy on his cock since the memory of touching Sheppard's skin and he let the last memory push him over the edge into a climax intense enough to make him swear. He couldn't help thinking that after desiring Sheppard so long, it was unfair that he had been unable to recall actually getting to have him for five whole days, since he had very few memories that were so enjoyable.

So now he knew. Knew what Sheppard had been worried he would remember, knew why he would swallow and look away when Ronon managed to catch him alone.

What he didn't know was whether Sheppard had been edgy because he wanted Ronon to touch him like that again, or because he didn't. Ronon could deal it with either way, and now that he knew his ground, it was time to find out.

**

He waited until the next night to make his move. He had wondered how he would manage to get sufficient privacy, but in the end he simply followed Sheppard back to his room and walked inside as the door was closing.

"Ronon? What's up?" Sheppard sounded calm but when Ronon walked towards him, he backed up a step before standing straight and still and Ronon wasn't fooled.

"I need to talk to you."

"Yeah? About what?"

Ronon wasn't going to let him pretend ignorance now. "You know what." Sheppard just stared at him for a moment, then he looked away and his shoulders hunched slightly, defensively.

"You remembered." He said it as a statement, no doubt at all. Ronon didn't need to nod, but he did and when Sheppard looked back his jaw had gone all tight and his voice wasn't nearly as light as usual. "I'm sorry," he said.

Ronon was close enough now and he reached out a hand and Sheppard didn't stop him from curling it round his throat so that Ronon's thumb rested under Sheppard's jaw and Ronon's fingers touched the hair at the back of his neck. "For what?" he asked. "I didn't say they were bad memories."

Sheppard's eyes looked startled at that and he hesitated before speaking again, and Ronon noted with interest that he was leaning a little into his grip. "But. You were drugged. You didn't know what you were doing and I did."

Ronon had to grin at that. "Do you think I would have done the same with McKay? I've wanted you from the beginning."

One of Sheppard's hands was on Ronon's arm now and he was breathing very slightly faster. "You never said anything."

"It wasn't my place," Ronon explained and eased closer in. "Where I come from, the taskmaster has to be the one to make the approach. Doesn't matter now." He wrapped his other hand around Sheppard's lean hip and let his fingers burrow in to the skin above his waistband as Sheppard's eyes closed.

"Oh. Where I'm from, it's supposed to be the other way round, only it isn't really supposed to happen at all and this –" he swallowed hard, throat moving under Ronon's thumb, "- is a very bad idea."

"Why?" asked Ronon and moved in again so that their bodies touched and then separated with each breath. When Sheppard opened his eyes again, they were close enough that he had to tip his head back a little to look into Ronon's eyes and he tightened his grip to stop himself from just pouncing. He wanted Sheppard to choose this time.

"I. The team, it would change things, we wouldn't work together as well…"

"It won't and we will." He leaned down and set his mouth on the pulse point in Sheppard's neck, tipping his head back further and biting softly and then spoke into his skin, "I know your scent now. I can tell when you're tired, or angry or afraid, when you're happy…" he nibbled his way around to the other side and up to an ear, "…when you're aroused."

And Ronon couldn't help biting down when he said that because he could and Sheppard was and it was so good and Sheppard clutched at his shoulders with both hands and fell against him, gasping, "Oh _god_."

"I could be so good to you, if you'd let me, please let me," Ronon breathed into Sheppard and held him up, rocking their bodies together nice and slow. Sheppard's hands grabbed into his hair, pulling his head up and then they were kissing and groping frantically and Ronon was done talking, because Sheppard moaning like he'd been shot and sucking on Ronon's tongue definitely counted as a yes.

When they separated for air, Sheppard was even more rumpled from Ronon's hands than usual. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes were bright and he was grinning like Ronon had just taken down five soldiers singlehanded again. "Bed?" he drawled, raising an eyebrow. Ronon had him on his back on the mattress with his shirt half-off before Sheppard's next breath and then he kissed him until that agile mouth switched from laughing back to moaning.

They pulled the rest of their clothes off in a blur of heated touches and wriggles and muttered curses. They wound up sprawled in a tangle diagonally across the bed, hips pressed tightly, Sheppard's hands grabbing at Ronon's back and arm and Ronon's bracing them and pulling up Sheppard's thigh to fit them better and guide the rhythm. "Oh, that's really good" Sheppard muttered and Ronon grunted agreement against his collarbone. He let his fingers slide up and in and pressed on the sensitive skin behind Sheppard's balls then further back and felt Sheppard freeze for a second, hands biting into his skin when he brushed against his hole.

Ronon pulled back and shifted them so that he sat astride Sheppard's hips and could see his face clearly. "Have you ever done this before?"

"What, had sex? Sure," said Sheppard and he smiled one of his innocent smiles and ran his hands up Ronon's thighs. Ronon gave him a look and tugged sharply enough on a patch of chest hair to make him yelp.

"With a man," he said, petting his skin in apology, and watched his eyes. Sheppard went slightly pink but he held Ronon's gaze as he shook his head. "_Good_," Ronon said and it came out as a growl.

Sheppard's eyes went wide and he licked his lips. "Wow, that was really hot," he said and pulled Ronon down on top of him and into a furious kiss. Ronon thrust against him again and again, rubbing their cocks together and then had to stop because he didn't want to come so soon. He pulled away from Sheppard's mouth and slid down to bite and suck at his nipples, growling again when Sheppard arched up off the bed. And then Ronon couldn't wait to taste any longer so he disentangled Sheppard's hands from his hair, grabbed onto his hips and sucked Sheppard's cock right into his mouth. Sheppard yelled and tried to thrust and then Ronon swallowed around him and he was wrapping his legs around Ronon's body and shaking as he came down his throat.

Sheppard's body was boneless with relaxation after and Ronon crawled back up into lazy, sweet kisses, breathing hard with the effort of keeping control. But when Sheppard roused enough to start touching with intent again, he pulled back. There would be time for Sheppard to explore in turn later, there were other things he wanted now.

When Ronon rolled him over onto his front, Sheppard tensed and pushed up, "Ronon, what…" he began and Ronon cupped the back of his neck and leaned in to speak in his ear.

"I'm not going to fuck you," _yet_, he added silently. "I just want to learn this side too," and Sheppard shivered and subsided with a murmur.

Ronon took his time now, concentrating on Sheppard's pleasure to distract himself so he could draw it out and do all that he wanted. He used his hands first, tracing over the bones and muscles in Sheppard's back, skimming lightly over buttocks and more firmly down the lean legs. On the way back up, he let himself linger at Sheppard's firm ass and the feel of the curves in the palm of his hand was as satisfying as he had imagined. When he squeezed a little, Sheppard lifted into it and he grinned and kissed the back of his neck.

He used his mouth next, nibbling down Sheppard's spine and licking up his sweat while his hand fondled and caressed lower down. By the time he had reached his tailbone, Sheppard was gasping and squirming. When Ronon used his thumbs to spread apart his cheeks and pressed a soft kiss to the start of the cleft, Sheppard's entire body gave a tight shudder and Ronon looked up to see his hands clutching white-knuckled at the sheet. "Spread your legs wider," he rasped, too far gone now to care if it sounded like an order, and had to grab himself fiercely to keep from coming when Sheppard moaned and obeyed.

He moved his body into the space between Sheppard's legs, dipped his head and traced his tongue teasingly over the tight little entrance to Sheppard's body. That first touch made Sheppard cry out sharply and buck up so Ronon moved his hands to hold him still and made love to him with his mouth. Wet, intimate kisses, lapping and thrusting tongue and Sheppard was breathing in fast, harsh pants interspersed with rough whimpers. He stopped breathing altogether when he came, silent and straining, but Ronon could smell the sudden flood of semen, could feel the clasp and throb of his body around his tongue. He knew no-one else had ever touched Sheppard like this, made him feel this and he surged up to rub his desperate cock against flesh still wet with his own saliva, barely managing one thrust before he exploded onto Sheppard's back, crushing him to the bed.

When Ronon regained his wits, they were both still shaking and panting with aftershocks. He rolled them onto their sides, pulled Sheppard back tightly into his body and inhaled contentedly.

_Mine_, he thought, and fell asleep.


End file.
